While some of us worry about a Trump presidency, we shouldn’t ignore the possibility of a Petersen presidency, a Libertarian candidate for the presidency. His motto is “Taking Over the Government to Leave Everyone Alone.” When I was fifteen years old, my motto was, “Mom, leave me the fuck alone.”
There are other Libertarian candidates. However, in the solipsistic world of Austin Petersen, he’s the only viable candidate with truly revolutionary ideas. For example, he’d like to reduce taxes, perhaps replace it with a flat tax, and “[S]eek voluntary ways to fund public services where possible, lotteries, tolls, etc.” (“Please, Mr. Koch. Can you donate a billion dollars for the New York Subway?”) He’d like to eliminate Obamacare and, instead, “[S]eek out market alternatives to problems of health and wellness.” (I could have sworn we tried that for fifty-plus years but, what do I know, I’m not a candidate.) He’d like to “[L]ower barriers to trade with foreign nations.” (I assume that means he’d be in favor of the TPP.)
Creating a Libertarian fantasy is not as difficult as one might think. In fact, if one adheres closely to the U.S. Constitution, according to Petersen, Libertarianism will flourish. Of course, we remember how well that worked out when a now-deceased Supreme Court judge followed a similar philosophy concerning the Constitution.
The screenshot below is from one of his recent newsletters. After you stop rubbing your eyes in disbelief (“What the f**k is a Progressive Authoritarian?”), read that first sentence very carefully. It seems that after he cuts taxes, there are two other things he’d like to cut. Perhaps only a Progressive Authoritarian Grammar Nazi (PAGN) such as myself would pick up on this. Maybe, after reading it, you’ll find that you’re also a PAGN (pronounced “pagan”).
For more laughs, see: http://austinpetersen2016.com/big-announcement-glenn-becks-show/