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Fiction: A New Theory of Stupidity

The original theory of stupidity states that stupidity (S), like gravity, is a constant in the universe. Like gravity, all objects possess S and its force is evenly distributed. The effects of S are weak so that only when a minimum quantity of mass (M) has been reached can S be detected. There have been two competing theories concerning the minimum quantity of M. Scientists of the neoliberal bent believe that if M has a progressive spin, then the minimal amount needed to detect S ( sDETECTABLE) is achieved once M is greater than or equal to 1 ( m ≥1 ). Interestingly, scientists that self-identify as progressive believe exactly the same thing but only when M has a neoliberal spin. These theories, as should be evident, are mirror images of one another. Still, if either one is correct, that when M is of a particular spin (neoliberal or progressive) and has the minimum amount for detection of S, then S is not evenly distributed. Since the latest data seems to support this view, what, then, is the nature of S?

Researchers now believe that S is a type of dark matter and, like dark matter, it exhibits three key characteristics. First, it emits no detectable level of S. Therefore it can be present without anyone knowing of its existence. Second, it is not spread evenly across the universe but exists in clumps. Finally, its presence becomes known only by its effects on other objects.

It should be noted that the data neither supports nor negates the need for spin (neoliberal or progressive) as a necessary condition for detection. This will require additional research. Further, if S is a type of dark matter, it is not known what minimal level of clumping may be needed to detect S. Finally, by definition, clumping requires more than one object. Thus the calculation of the minimal amount of M needed for the indirect detection of S is M greater than one ( m > 1), though the clumping effect points to the likelihood that an even higher quantity may be needed in order to have an effect on nearby objects.

Written by Dr. Jeffrey Siegel, Institute of Advanced Stupidity Studies (I of ASS)

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